HRT 4th Anniversary!!!

 
Today marks four years since I took my first pill and pasted my first skin patch, beginning hormone replacement therapy. I have not regretted it one single bit.

2014 Goals Review and 2015 Goals

So now it's 2015! Time sure flies. Last year went by very fast. The goals I set a year ago were as follows:

"1. Get my assessment process completed, or as close to it (given the waiting lists) as possible
 2. Work on my book, getting a query package together for the publishers
 3. Post more on this blog and my new one
 4. Continue to get both my finances and living quarters in order
  5. Invite more people into my home, welcome them into my life, show them how much I love them
 6. Become more active in my community in two areas; sustainability and trans* issues
 7. Treat myself with utmost kindness and compassion
 8. Begin dating again"

Goal 1, I am proud to say, was completed by the end of last March; my surgery date, this March, was confirmed at the end of last October. Number 4 is being achieved; I am in a much better situation now with more stable finances (thanks to my folks) and cleaner, less cluttered home and life. I began to work on Number 5 in the latter part of last year. My family visited in August, and beginning in November, I began to have friends over more regularly culminating in a post-Christmas get together on December 27. And yes, friends and family brought good energy into my home, there will be more to come this year.

Number 6 was something I had mixed results with, but where I could, I showed up and got involved. I became a member of my community garden's board. I participated in last years' trans march. Regarding number 7, personal boundaries were a must, particularly in my work life and socially. It became much clearer that there was my stuff and there was other people's stuff (there is also our collective stuff, but that's for another post), and I refused to take on other people's stuff and try to process it for them. This was part of how I showed compassion for myself last year. I also rested when I needed to, including taking mental health breaks.

Numbers 2, 3 and 8 were the problematic goals. Work on my book did not happen. I did post on this blog, but my second one never really got off the ground. And dating was a non-issue.

And now, here I am at 2015's doorstep.

I have but one goal ... to uncompromisingly care for myself as I go through and recover from gender confirmation surgery this March. It will take months and I will make recovery priority number 1. Between now and then, I will prepare and get everything lined up. During recovery, I will take utmost care of myself. I will be stepping back from most of my activities, only doing administrative tasks for the community garden, no physical work. There will also be time and space to write about my experience.

So that's it, one very important goal! Best of luck with whatever goals you may set for yourself!

Happy 2015!!

 
Another quiet New Year's Eve led to a another quiet New Year's Day. I'm fine with both. I needed the rest; 2014 was fast year, draining at times and 2015 has more in store for me (more in my next post).

In the meantime, Happy New Year to all my readers, best wishes this year and beyond!

Merry Christmas 2014!

 
A couple of years ago, on Christmas Eve, I wrote a post called "Do You Hear What I Hear?" It was, like many of my posts, about me, although I've also made reference to many world events. This year, while my life has had its highs and lows, it has turned out alright. The world on the other hand, has not.

This past week, I found out some history on the perennial carol "Do You Hear What I Hear?" Written by the songwriting/composing couple Noel Regney and Gloria Shayne Baker in October 1962, the carol was a plea for peace during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Recorded by the Harry Simeone Chorale, it was released a month later, after the Crisis, and went on to sell  250,000 copies during the holiday season; it has also been covered countless times since then.

With this post, I hope for a better, and more just world, less hate and more attention paid to our shared fate. Hopefully we can build a better world from the inside out, just like this song.

Merry Christmas!

The December Project, 2014

The December Project is back for the fourth year in a row, ready yet again to make your holiday season brighter and warmer.

The December Project was launched on December 1, 2011 as a support network for transfolks who, given that this season is a lonely, isolating one for many of us, would like someone to talk to. The Project, founded by Jennifer Finney Boylan, Helen Boyd, Mara Keisling and Dylan Scholinski, aims to: "raise the spirits of people in the trans community during what can be a difficult time of year". This year has seen some changes among the volunteer ranks. Blogger Helen Boyd posted earlier this month:

"The project this year will be run by five people – four to make calls, and one to organize the emails. Dylan Scholinski, director of Sent(a)mental Studios; Helen Boyd, Professor at Lawrence University; Allyson Robinson, pastor-teacher, and Brynn Tannehill, journalist and educator. We are two trans women, a trans man, and a spouse of a trans woman.  Between the four of us, we have heard many different kinds of trans narratives.  If we can help you, we would be glad to do so. Our fifth person, who will receive your emails and get the right ones to us callers, is Donna Levinsohn, a lawyer and old, trusted friend of Helen’s who has been involved in trans activism for years."

The December Project will be calling all month, straight through until New Years' Eve. If you would like to receive a call, email them at decemberproj@gmail.com. Send them your name and phone number, what date and time you would like to be called, and who in the Project, if you have a preference, you would like to call you.

And to the December Project network: Once again, Good on you! Keep up the great work!

 

TDOR 2014

Sobering day this; as it should be. It reminds me as a transwoman of colour of the price paid by many transpeople around the world for simply being who we are. Our journeys are not ones to be taken lightly, but a better world is possible and must be created. Our stories (this blog is one of countless such stories) needs to be told, by us, for us and for all. Our civil and human rights need to be advanced so that we are treated with humanity in the eyes of the law. Every year, on November 20, these goals manifest out of the and loss of this day and another opportunity to renew our commitment to bettering our lives and educating others presents itself.

My own journey here has been a very fortunate one. This evening, I turn my heart and mind towards my sisters and brothers who have not made it to today, their lives taken from us by hate and ignorance. Tomorrow, I resolve to do more, tell more and to continue to walk tall and proud into the future.

Nesting and S.A.D.

Autumn is actually my favourite time of the year. Always has been. The seasons change fast. But as it gets colder, darker and (on the northwest coast) wetter, I aim to get cozier. I cook more, read more, write more and nest. This has become even more true over the past couple of years.

This year, though, despite so much to look forward (eg. gender confirmation surgery next year), things seem so much darker. Last year at this time, I was reeling from the deaths of four friends and the experience had pretty much burned me out. I was look to not only nest, but burrow away the way a squirrel does in fall, horde lots of comfort food and hibernate for the winter, away from the world. I fantasized about having a special person with me (in reality, this would have surely stifled them). I was trying to hide from mortality and the harshness of the world. In reality, seasonal affective disorder and my underlying generalized depression had kicked in. Over the winter, I had my anti-depressant dosage doubled. I took the holidays off on vacation and, with the flu, spent three days of it in bed. January and February, as usual were a tough slog, but by spring, I felt much better and began to turn outward again.

But 2014 brought more deaths of friends. The world also looked (continues to look) grimmer. Despite some truly wonderful family and friends moments, by September I was emotionally tired. Work had its own stresses. I spent my birthday weekend in bed with food poisoning and the purging that followed left me physically and emotionally drained.

So, overwhelmed and tired, I have been on staycation for nearly two weeks. I have slept a lot, written a little, and socialized some and once again, after going back to a single dose over the summer, re-doubled my anti-depressants. I have also been taking a hard look at the various goals that I have had over the past couple of years, re-examining how the realistic some of them are. I launched a second blog several months which as of yet has no content; I will likely shut it down. Sad, in a way, as I saw it as an outlet for my views on my profession which I dedicate most of my waking hours to. I have shelved one book project and will likely concentrate on one. Of course, I ended my years long radio show nearly a year ago. It remains to be seen whether or not I have scaled back too much, but for now, these seem like the right decisions. Hopefully, nesting and self-care are not dovetailing into a much deeper downturn.

I continue to garden though, and hope to do more, save for the few months of recovery I will be in next year. May I come out of this renewed and reinvigorated for the new year ahead.