In Flux

Things have been in flux for a few years now, and seem to be getting more so every day. Old friends move on, new friends move in, relationships change shape, old colleagues retire, new ones are hired. Old, favourite neighbourhood haunts close out, or are torn down, others, usually less personable go up in their place.

Friends marry, become parents, married friends separate or divorce. Others change careers or go back to school. Fellow community gardeners move away, even out of the country. I've hosted a local radio program (under my male name up until now) for nearly five years, and I am grateful for the opportunity to have done so; but, at any point, a change in management, a change in managerial ideology, and the show may be one of many to become permanently part of the station's history. I do my shows often like I learned to breathe in the years after my mother's death, as if each breath might be my last. Fortunately, I still breathe, and live, to this day.

Of course, I too, am in flux, my body morphing into a softer, more feminine shape. Some react positively to my changing physical reality, others coldly, still others oscillate daily in their reactions.

In all of this flux, I need to ground myself in meditation practice again. To experience flux is one thing; to be in flux requires real ground.