Over the past couple of years, since I began transition, I have finally gained something that had been elusive for most of my life: self-love. I now know, for the first time, what it means to truly love myself: in body and spirit as well as mind. I have also experienced a huge growth in confidence in all areas of my life.
When asked about whether or not I want to be in a relationship, I usually find that I do not have much to say. I know fairly well what it is like to rush into them only to regret it later, or to obsess about the "one that got away." Years of feeling not just bad, but hollow, about myself led to me striving to make others love me. All to no avail of course. Now, I feel my life is whole and complete, although of course not perfect (whose is?). For the most part, with relationships, I feel that I can take them or leave them. I am certainly not desperate for one.
That said, I do have moments (like right now) where I long to meet the right guy. Perhaps, one day it will happen: a nice, affectionate, smart, compassionate and exciting guy will come along. I am a somewhat old-fashioned, nostalgic, yet also progressive kind of gal who is looking for someone who likes candle light dinners with a little light jazz or soul music in the background, cooking a meal together, cuddling while watching old movies or old tv series, walking in the park or in the country, window shopping, gardening, and, yes, dancing.
The longing is quite deep right now, but with all that is going well, I can wait.
However, the light is always on.
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