Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Ugly Duckling

I long felt this way ... ugly, clumsy, awkward, deeply inadequate. I tried to forget my body existed, escaping into my mind instead. Years went by without me ever looking into the mirror. Something about me never worked. So I took refuge in the intellect. Although, I learned a lot of interesting things on a cerebral level, my body awareness, and my body, stagnated.

I began intensive therapy, ostensibly around loss and grief, in my mid-twenties. I also started Buddhist meditation and tai chi. I did some personal growth work. Being under this really powerful magnifying glass burned through much of my armor, gradually I came out in various ways. My confidence increased with each step. And then a secret was revealed to me from within. The more I was grounded inside, the more feminine I felt. This was very empowering. I tried to fit into male roles, but none fit. I know this now.

I look forward to finally blossoming the way I always wanted. I can hardly wait to walk through this world completely a woman, beautiful because I am myself. Finally.

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