Thursday, 5 January 2012
About Me, Part 10: Here Comes the Rain Again
The fact was, two different groups wanted me to be "like everybody else": my folks and my peers. I scarcely had a concept of myself otherwise. I fully expected things to get much better as a result. The rest of the year went very quickly. Our teacher went on medical leave and we had a substitute for the last month or so. Then, grade eight, and middle school, was finished. Graduating felt like a massive accomplishment; I had discovered that I could throw myself into my work easily to get away from the messier problems in life ... and excel at it.
I spent that summer back in Montreal, went on my first date, and felt like things were looking up. Towards the end of the summer, I had my curly hair relaxed into the Michael Jackson/Prince style that was popular that year. I remember a vague sense of satisfaction looking in the mirror to see myself with long hair. But my voice was also changing. By that fall, when I entered high school, my voice had deepened considerably. It was novel at first, but I grew to hate it. It just never seemed to match who was. But as cut off as I was from myself, I had no idea why.
To be continued ...